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Let’s Try To Make Ourselves Excited About This Loser Hockey Team

Friends, I have a confession. I do not have the sunniest personality. I physically own multiple Radiohead albums. I watch action movies and count all the times the protagonist ought to have been killed. My favourite superhero is Eeyore. You get it.

This actually suits being a Toronto Maple Leafs fan pretty well. It means I’m prepared. When the Leafs inevitably belly flop and crush the hopes of everyone who supported them, I at least get the grim satisfaction of having expected it. I shout “I KNEW IT ALL ALONG” like an angry relative at the conclusion of a British murder mystery: yes, the victim (my dreams) is still dead, but at least it’s sort of vindicating.