In Which I Make Endless Fat Jokes

I had to address the release of left tackle Bryant McKinnie last week, if only for the fact that he was cut for being the a fat slob. I was never a fan of the Vikings now ex-left tackle. McKinnie was lazy, unmotivated, and ugly. As a ten year old in 2002, I was upset that my favorite team had drafted a left tackle; not necessarily because I didn't like McKinnie, but because offensive line is boring. His long holdout was the first sign of trouble, and he played disinterested and occasionally detrimental football for eight seasons. When Leslie Frazier cut him last week for being a lousy butterball, I was surprised but content. Frazier needed to lay down the law, and McKinnie needed to not be such a fat piece of shit. Still, his presence will be missed in a new offense, and it's appropriate to take a retrospective look at his career in purple:

Here he is on Draft Day 2002 with former commissioner Paul Tagliabue. He is trying as hard as he can to not eat the jersey in his hands because he is an immense lardass.

He can be seen here causing an earthquake. Erasmus James can be seen behind him, and boy did he suck. He didn't sweat when he tied his shoes though.

This is McKinnie in a suit made out of an old circus tent. He is daydreaming about chicken tenders because he hasn't had any in the last eight seconds.

McKinnie allowed this hit on Brett Favre because he was distracted by a fan's pretzel. To be fair, it was a cinnamon pretzel.

This is a picture of McKinnie that was taken just now. Obviously being cut has hit the big lump hard, and he has gained a few pounds.

In conclusion: I really like making fat jokes and I really don't like Bryant McKinnie

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