Nick, where hell have you been? Why haven't you written anything in several weeks? Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? Good questions, Nick. The answers are as follows: Temple University, a combination of sloth and legitimate busyness, and I don't know.
In any case, at this point it seems stupid to try to recap everything I've missed, so we can boil it down to two things: the Minnesota Vikings suck, and Donovan McNabb sucks. There isn't a ton you can do about the first thing immediately, but you sure as hell can fix the second. McNabb has been completely dreadful this year. He's looked jittery and unsure of himself while he short arms every third-down throw at his receivers' feet. He has the fewest touchdown passes of any QB to start each game so far this season. With first-round pick Christian Ponder waiting in the wings, most of us fans were just wondering when Leslie Frazier would make the switch. We got our answer last night, as Ponder played well in relief of McNabb in the second half. He threw with confidence and moved the team down the field with authority. He even showed some surprising mobility while scrambling for first downs. Frazier has said he won't name a starter for this week's game against the (gulp) undefeated Green Bay Packers until Wednesday, but the smart money's on Ponder. However, just for the sake of argument, let's take a pros and cons approach to the decision.
-THIS GUY IS A VETERAN QUARTERBACK IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE
-Since he short-arms everything, he never gets picked off?
-I got nothing else. Okay, fun part!
-DEAR GOD HE'S TERRIBLE! He has been so inept this year it makes me feel like I'm being punished or something! I've hit a new low: I pined for the days of Tarvaris Jackson last night. At least he could avoid a sack! McNabb just sits there in the pocket like a big, fat duck. He doesn't get rid of the ball, and then he gets slaughtered. Then he stands up with that stupid, shit-eating grin and I just want to THROTTLE HIM. Ugh. GET OUT OF HERE DONOVAN, WE NEVER WANTED YOU!
-Okay, that's out of my system
-His mom can't even stand to watch him get sacked. What a girl.
-He took Chris Kluwe's number and Chris Kluwe is a perfect human being.
-He doesn't even look cool in a football uniform anymore. It's tough to wear shoulder pads and a helmet and look lame, but somehow Donovan pulls it off. It's almost impressive; I'm starting to think I could put it in the pros section...
-It's 2011, not 2005.
- He's not Donovan McNabb (this one is huge)
- His name is really easy to pun which makes it easy for snarky, loser bloggers like myself to come up with a lazy headline
- He can actually kind of throw. He was on the money for the most part last night and he avoided big mistakes. He even threw the ball away when there was nothing there, and trust me, having watched young Tarvaris Jackson and young Daunte Culpepper, this is a major plus.
- He can run! I can't believe it! He's like, pretty mobile! I can't explain how thrilling a mobile, white quarterback is. It's like seeing a white guy throw down a dunk, it's truly exhilarating.
- No time like the present, right?
- He might get hurt, considering how crummy the offensive line has been. Best case scenario, he'll be running for his life quite a bit.
- He wears number 7, and that still means Tarvaris Jackson to me. GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT.
- The type of helmet he wears has a hole that interrupts the horn decal and it looks weird.
- He is Donovan McN- Wait what? Oh, he's not Donovan McNabb?
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