100 Things to do in the 100 Days Until College Football Kicks Off

The first day of the college football season is literally 100 days away.  In a little more than 2400 hours, you'll be watching Michigan manhandle defending national champion Alabama.  You'll be watching Nick Saban openly weep on the sidelines and A.J. McCarron attempting this move to stop Jake Ryan from sacking him anymore.  If that seems like a lot of time to you, then you simply don't have enough stuff to do.  Fear not, chatwolverines.com is here to give you 100 ideas for how to pass the time.  I suggest quitting your job and doing one of these each day for the next hundred.  Enjoy:

100. Go to the beach and show off your really sweet team-specific tattoo.

99.  Confirm your status as white trash and decorate your main source of transportation with team colors, paint jobs, rims, rear-view mirror dice.

98. Read online to learn more about your Ohio's fanbase

97. Participate in a bike race and try not to do this:

96. Work for baseball team as a mascot

95.  Take up diving

94. Rent a dune buggy and explore the beaches in your area

93.  Come to appreciate the game of soccer like our European brethren and those 3 people you know that talk about it like their Ruud Von Nistelroy

92.  Take a long nap and awake feeling refreshed

91. Go to a friend's lake house and remember simpler times using their rope swing.

90.  Take grandpa to the ol' crick for some fishing

89.  Learn about botany

88.  Have a couple drinks with friends

87.  Give people a look into your cultural heritage

86. Lay out and get nice base tan

85.  Spend quality time with your children

84.  Go outside of your comfort zone and make new, different friends

83.  Hate NATO, without a clue as to why you hate NATO

82.  Make and throw a poop bomb, because you hate NATO

81. Spend less time with family after telling everyone you wanted to spend more time with your family

80.  Learn to bartend

79.  Learn to cook (read: put sandwich toppings onto bread)

78.  Visit your grandparents

77. Put down the video games and go out and watch a baseball game

76. Start a company, get it valued at $100 billion, IPO, immediately see its value drop 35%.

75. Bend it in a manner similar to a younger version of David Beckham

74. Raise the world's new fattest house cat. Marvel at the fact that no matter how fat the cat gets, it's face stays the exact same plumpness.

73. Enjoy the weather and horse around on a trampoline in your backyard

72.  Read that scintillating Hunger Games series to get fired up for a big game

71. Get your coach and GM fired after everyone in your organization acquiesces to your demands several hundred times in a 12 month period

70. Go to a baseball game, find the nearest Dodger fan and beat him within an inch of his life

69.  Find a bunch of high schoolers to coach and swear profusely at them

68. Save up 18k to buy the queens used knickers

67.  Take up golf and shoot a 55 on 18 holes

66. Incessantly stick your foot in your mouth an insult as many people in one sentence as is humanly possible

65. Follow in your father's footsteps while looking more and more like your father daily, which sucks, because you're a woman

64. Refuse to answer anyone's questions any time ever

63.  Recreate the final scene of My Girl

62. Eat Josh Hamilton's huge sausage

61. Put a lot of IcyHot on Steve Strasburg's junk

60. Forget to do your job after a rain delay

59.   Get yourself all freaked-out for World Goth Day

58.  Rescue adorable animals with their heads stuck in tin cans

57. Hit someone in a stupid hat in the head with a golf ball

56.  Play a little lacrosse and start a bench clearing brawl with the other team.  Be Canadian.

55. Play a soccer game to the death against Pablo Escobar

54. Take 300k from the NBA players union, get called out by Derek Fisher

53. Be a fantastic father

52. Look at an adorable gorilla

51. Seriously though, trampolines can be fun for the entire family. I encourage you to get one and have a ball

50. Shag some fly balls before a game

49.  Lose a few pounds using the same diet system as Jennifer Hudson

48. Defend the honor of your mother with a Nerf sword against the tyranny of a Papa John's manager

47. Makes racists look even more stupid than they already do

46.  Hit a major league home run and break part of the scoreboard

45.  Organize a hurdlers race and forget to put up the correct number of hurdles

44. Get so tired of backing up Tony Romo that you go to work as a math teacher in Tacoma

43.  Design a campus for a corporate giant that looks like a Nuva ring

42. Not study, so the Washington Post can continue to write awful articles like this one

41.  Claim you got fired for being too hot, while not being very attractive at all

40.  Have your marriage ruining by that prick Zuckerberg

39.  Create the future of vaginal rejuvenation using a Charleston chew


37.  Get way too excited about a player potentially committing to a school you haven't attended in 6 years.

36. Make possible the least entertaining trailer in the history of moviedom and pay for it at the box office.  I want to know why the aliens are under the water and that is absolutely all I want to know.

35.  Feel really bad about getting dunked on by Caron Butler. Still sweep a series with the LA Clippers

34.  Play soccer, attempt to avoid alligators

33.  WRAP IT UP!!!!!!!

32.  Elope

31.  Try to recreate a mildly humorous Bud Light commercial

30.  Be afraid, be very afraid

29.  Get really, really sexy with a cupcake

28.  Try not to make a hateful remark...try really, really hard not to say something hateful...console the single lesbian affected by this

27. Stop wearing clothes that make you look like a chick, unless you're a chick

26.  Don't be a dick

25.  Use your time on the bench to create a very uninspiring, confusing, uncreative celebration for your teammates that are actually playing, make 1.5 mil+ for it

24. Work in a salad and save your heart

23. Make me feel old because I've been a coherent (relatively) sports fan for the entirety of his 15 year career

22. Have a very, very high opinion of yourself

21. Go about attracting the opposite sex completely the wrong way

20. Spend way too much money on your adorable, sweatered ferret

19. Give the best possible answer to trainers trying to access your mental state after you're hit by a pitch

18. Be more delusional than you're typical delusional self

17. Throw everyone else under the bus

16. Ruin a really good time for everyone

15. Take a nap instead of doing something like this

14. Become a little league umpire

13. Find out what Curt Schilling is investing in and get the hell away from it

12. Learn a martial art

11. Get as far away from these sheep as possible

10. Silence a potential witness with a 107 mph fastball

9. Not care at all about this group of jabronis

8. Think wishfully

7. Realize why the rest of the world hates us

6. Wage the most morally defensible American war of the last 60 years

5. Learn how NOT to conduct an interview

4. Impress me even though I don't like your sport

3. Find a better way to disguise your face in a robbery...

2. I said WRAP IT UP!!!! Especially if you're in Japan.

1. Eliminate Kobe Bryant from the NBA playoffs, make all the people in the world with souls happy:

That should keep you busy for the next 100 days...

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