No one gets bullied on the schoolyard anymore — at least not for long, in an era in which every school has zero-tolerance policies for such things.
So let me explain how it used to work back in the day, when the grownups spent their lunch breaks smoking in the teacher’s room while Charles Darwin ran the playground outside. A bully would pick on you, at which point you had a life-altering decision to make:
You could turtle, in which case the bully would be emboldened and the rest of your school year would become an absolute nightmare of lost lunches and shakedown money.