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Slipgate Conspiracy: The real reason the Wizards traded John Wall

Warning: this is an entirely speculative conspiracy theory based on few facts and loosely connected assumptions. It is also tainted by years of dark, cynical fandom that only a Wizards fan can understand. Having said that, this theory explains John Wall’s abrupt departure from Washington in a way that actually makes sense.

Let’s go back to the year just before John Wall signed his ridiculous-max four year $171.1 million contract. For those of you doing the math at home, that’s $42.7 million per year or $521,000 per 48-minute game. But let’s not get ahead ourselves with silly assumptions like people who sign contracts to play professional basketball for the Washington Wizards actually play basketball for the Washington Wizards (see Dwight Howard, Andrew Nicholson, Ian Mahinmi, Martell Webster, Mark Price (though technically he didn’t sign with the Wizards), Lorenzo Williams, John Williams.