The School: The University of Texas at Austin, also known as “UT.” As a current resident of Texas, I have lots of experience with hating schools that wear orange and call themselves “UT.”
Location: Austin, Texas. When you hear about people fleeing the high prices of California for Texas, literally all of them seem to end up in Austin, which is really the most California-like place you can find in Texas. I am sure this description of Austin will draw reasonable and measured comments in response.
The Mascot: The longhorn. This is the one thing they get right: while there is a costumed mascot, they also just bring out a real, live longhorn to football games.