About a week ago I started explaining what it meant to be a Vancouver Canucks fan, and what you should aspire to as one. That was a little awkward and pretentious. The awkward part I can do something about. The pretentious part you are stuck with — unless you have free will and stop reading.
If we ignore the obvious, that being a fan of any particular sports team is fundamentally stupid, some real wisdom can be gleaned from understanding our mutual obsession with grown men we’ll never meet.
To extend the conceit, let us continue the list: