In a first, President Donald Trump will headline the Fourth of July celebration on the National Mall. I don’t get to write the president’s speech, but if I did, it would probably go something like this (bonus points if you spot the stuff he has actually said):
My fellow Americans, it is a distinct privilege and honor to have me address you on this birthday celebration for America.
Last week, I had the great pleasure to meet face-to-face with Korean leader Kim Jong Un, a good friend with great hair and a terrific president.