Back to the Utah State Aggies Newsfeed

Alexandra Petri: Why I have yet to denounce the president’s racist remarks

Related Topics: Ohio, John Boehner, I Start

Oh, yes, I am sure I would certainly very loudly denounce them as would my colleagues, but you see I cannot yet, because I died.

Also a big bird flew through the window and scooped up my phone in its beak and dropped it into a river, so even if I was going to, you see now I cannot!

Also I have this condition where if anyone forces me to think hard at all about anything the president has said or done, I start to melt and then catch fire.

Seriously, my whole worldview is hanging by a very fragile thread!