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Alexandra Petri: I am a horse. I know horseplay. That’s not what this is.

Speaking on CNN, Carrie Severino, one of Supreme Court nominee Brett M. Kavanaugh’s defenders, said that Christine Blasey Ford’s allegations (that Kavanaugh cornered her in a bedroom, forced himself on her, attempted to remove her clothes and covered her mouth when she attempted to scream) “cover a whole range of conduct from boorishness to rough horseplay to actual attempted rape.” To comment, I have a horse (not that Kavanaugh was even at the party, of course, of course).

I am a horse. I know horseplay. This, my friend, is not horseplay.

Ask yourself: Was someone frolicking in a beautiful, verdant field?