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Alexandra Petri: 13 goals for women who want to celebrate World Cup wins

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1. Do not score more goals than are strictly necessary to win. Scoring a lot of goals is rude, especially when you remember that many people do not have goals ever in their lives and could really use them. Recklessly scoring 13 in a single match, when people have played soccer for hours without scoring even one, is disrespectful and takes goals away from those who badly need them!

2. Maybe? If not, why are people upset? I don't really understand this.

4. Seven seems like a good number. Stop, if you can, at seven.