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How Steve Cohen can fulfill the promise Mets fans saw in his introduction

Related Topics: New York Mets

Dear Steve,

We can call you Steve? You seem like a Steve guy.

Congrats, we think, on buying the New York Mets, the dead shark in formaldehyde of baseball franchises.

You’ve gone from owning 8 percent of the boozy shark, about a tail fin’s worth, to almost all of it, and we Dorys are … are … we forget.

Ecstatic! Ecstatic, is what we are!

We are here to ensure you get the most out of your $2.475 billion. We’re very good at advising other people how to spend their money, because it’s easy and no matter what happens we can still pay our Netflix subscription.