It’s Thanksgiving and I’m writing a Tailgate intro completely full of delicious food. It’s a good thing I don’t drink anymore because, were I still on the sauce, this intro would be even more incomprehensible than normal. Kind of like an audiobook read by Coach Orgeron. Strike that. I would pay dearly to have read to me by that man in his rich, beautiful tones. Give me Coach O reads the Harry Potter series tomorrow, please and thank you. Mostly, I want to hear him pronounce “Horcrux.”
With a food coma inevitable, I need to tell you what I think will unfold before I fall forward into my desk with such force that my next column will be my signed DNR.