AUSTIN — The University of Texas football program welcomed alumnus and Professor Matthew McConaughey to practice this week to help the team prepare for the upcoming season.
The very wealthy program that has averaged six losses per year over the last eight seasons could use a little encouragement so they brought in America’s greatest pitchman. Good Bull Hunting had exclusive access to the entirety of the motivational sesh.
What follows are direct quotes from the man himself. It’s helpful for you to read the quotes aloud in your cubicle in your slowest, East-Texas-Piney-Woods-kinda-high drawwwl.