Billed as a matchup of aces, King Felix Hernandez squared off against Chris Archer before an announced crowd of 10,365 that according to sources* was actually somewhere between 69 and 420 actual "people," mostly because $tinky $tu is an aloof, out of touch bazillionaire who sometimes says mean things about the locals and doesn't own an apartment in the city.
* By "sources" we mean **"informed speculation."
** By "informed speculation" we mean "the game wasn't on teevee so we are defaulting to the internet truism, "pics or it didn't happen."
As you might have guessed, I wasn't at the game either.