The St. Louis Cardinals have an opening for a small, scrappy reserve infielder to serve as a fan favorite, something they’ve had nearly every year of this century. Qualifications: Must be able to play second base, third, and shortstop in a pinch. Constant hustle, great attitude. Willing to sit for long stretches. Small stature preferred. Preference given to Caucasians with nicknames like “Stubby” or “Skip.”
You know the type. Stubby Clapp and Skip Schumaker had the right monikers, and Joe McEwing, a .251 career batter, packed the delightfully ironic nickname of “Super Joe.