Hi Sounder at Heart readers, I’m Ethan. I’m not exactly new around here, but that doesn’t mean some of you might not know who I am. Over the years I’ve contributed articles such as Aftermatch Aftermath, I’m Not A Doctor But I’ll Fix Your Problems, and Choose Your Own Adventures: Sounders Style. Today, however, I’m here to contribute to something completely different. I’m here to answer your questions.
Something you guys might not know about me is that my brain is a veritable fount of knowledge. For some reason, it prioritizes the memorization of factoids and tidbits, something which was great for getting me through college, but which is not great for when your friends ask your opinion regarding the Transformer movies and you instead walk them through a breakdown of why exactly Michael Bay is a bad director and point out that all of his movies must contain one of each of the following: 1) gun fights, 2) car chases, 3) explosions, and 4) lens flares, even if none of those things make sense given the context of the film.