Look, not every day can be the grandeur and gravitas and late-inning heart-stopping action of Opening Day. Sometimes games are really, deeply, very silly. Sometimes a game is a fart. That was this game. It was a fart game.
The big talking point about how the Mariners and Guardians match up has been the comparison with their pitching: two teams with fearsome starting rotations and powerful bullpens. Tonight, the Guardians mostly delivered on their side of the bargain, while the Mariners pitching staff decided to play some musical fruits.
MULDER: the Aztecs believed in an ancient bean god.