In an alternate universe, the Mariners push all-in for an ace. In this one, math beats a movie trailer.
In an alternate universe, Jerry Dipoto hits the red button on a glowing trade machine, the multiverse ripples, and Tarik Skubal steps out of a wormhole at Sea-Tac wearing teal. The rotation warps into a five-day cheat code, AL lineups groan, and every fifth game becomes a mini-holiday named after a lefty who touches 99 and makes hitters look like they’re swinging underwater.