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Justin Dunn fails to single-handedly defeat Padres, Mariners lose 9-2

Really, you should just go read John’s recap from last night first if you haven’t, and then come back. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Last night John described the Padres as dismissing the Mariners with authority, like a stern principal warning a wayward but thoroughly cowed student not to try anything like that again. Today’s win was no less authoritative, but it was more like the kind of authoritative of a high school freshman, all knobby-kneed new growth and unearned confidence, showing up at a senior shootaround at the YMCA and proceeding to get smoked six ways to a Sunday earlybird dinner special.