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Astros have all but said goodbye to a longtime Mariners menace

You never needed a scouting report for Framber Valdez. You just needed to see his name next to “Probable starter” and accept that runs were likely going to be a scarce resource.

The sinker, the ground balls, the slow-moving dread of a night where every hard-hit ball somehow found leather. Even when Seattle was rolling, he had a way of making games feel like you were trying to win a coin-flip.

Which is why Dana Brown talking about him like he’s already packed up the apartment keys is… honestly? A beautiful sound.

Mariners’ long-running headache could vanish as Astros plan life after Valdez

In an MLB Network segment centered on Houston’s signing of Japanese right-hander Tatsuya Imai, Brown was asked about Valdez and gave an answer that was basically the front-office version of “we wish him well on his future endeavors.