This could get awkward guys... So, yesterday I had the pleasure and honor of interviewing Jesus (@Jesus_M_Christ), and it was quite the experience. JC, as some call him, was a really down to earth guy and he poses totally legit questions and raises excellent points regarding sports and pop culture.
If you aren't following the wildly popular Jesus account on Twitter yet, you are making a big mistake. The parody account tweets on hilarious subjects such as Satan's workout regimen, bacon, teeth in the bedroom and the inner workings of being the son of God. We reached out to Jesus to get his take on sports most polarizing topics... which means mostly LeBron and Tebow questions.
Satan, do you even lift bro?
— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) May 30, 2013
Friendly reminder to all the virgins in Boston... Be careful what you pray for. #Tebow — Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) June 10, 2013
So without further ado, here's my sit down with The Son.
You have risen from the dead yourself, will you also resurrect JaMarcus Russell's career from the dead?
I plan to resurrect JaMarcus' career as a stripper, but that is all.
Did you send Tim Tebow to New England to keep a closer eye on satan (aka Belichick)?
I sent him to take nudie pictures of Brady's wife.
How bad will Tom Brady’s injury be this season?
I actually spend most of my time trying to injure Mark Sanchez.
Do you and little brother Tebow have a rivalry for your Pops’ job, should Pops retire?
The only thing Timmy is in line for is a five dollar footlong knuckle sandwich.
Who’s higher on your sh*t list Judas or the Kardashians?
Kim K is my entire list.
Did you let satan get inside Amanda Bynes head or is she just extra special?
Trick Question, because technically Amanda Bynes possessed Satan first.
Does it bother you that LeBron is referred to as the “Chosen One”?
Only when he acts like a pussy in the 4th quarter.
Follow up, is this why you're making sure LeBron has the worst receding hairline ever?
It recedes every time he misses a free throw.
Important golf question after U.S. Open week: can you or your Dad hit a 1 iron?
Yes, & that is actually his nickname on the Links.
What’s the most notable sporting event you’ve ever decided to go ahead and actually interfere with?
The 5th down game during 1990 that led to the University of Colorado's NCAA Football National Championship. I fu*king hate Missouri.
Who is your least favorite team/player in each of the following: NFL, NHL, MLB, NBA, and NCAA?
Current & former idiot athletes who I have made sure will never win a Pro Championship are Jay Cutler, Barry Melrose, Barry Bonds, anyone who plays for the Chicago Cubs, Carmelo Anthony & Brian Bosworth.
By how ripped you are, you clearly lift, so what lifting advice do you have for other bros out there?
Stop praying for your fat to go away and get the fu*k off the couch. Go learn to play a sport you don't know how to and practice it mother fu*ker. Life is work!
The Spurs choking game 6 away, was that punishment for Tony Parker cheating on Eva Longoria?
The Spurs choking was a punishment for Manu G looking like a child molester.
Can you let the secret out on who wins tonight?
He, who haveth the biggest forehead shall be forth victorious.
And to finish, what might be a little know fact people don’t know about JC?
My penis most closely resembles that of the Tapir.
I am officially going to hell.
- Dean Thompson
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