Can Skip Bayless Fit Tim Tebow, LeBron James, Aaron Hernandez AND The Kardashians in One Interview? You Bet

If you don't know who Skip Bayless is, good for you. But chances are, if you are reading this, you are all-too-familiar with Skip and his unbelievable preposterous ideas and notions and general babble he is allowed to air, while wearing a microphone, for three-plus hours a day on ESPN's awful program First Take.

Thankfully, Twitter has set Skip straight with the fantastic parody account @FunSkipBayless. If you're not following, here's a sample of what you're missing out on.


Without further ado, the questions:

Which "alleged" murder ends up with more rings Aaron Hernandez or Ray Lewis?

Ray Lewis. Aaron Hernandez seems too stupid to get out of this one, he makes Rob Gronkowski look like Albert Einstein.

Who wins in a knife fight Ray Lewis or OJ?

On the streets, with a regular knife, I’ll take Ray Lewis (tremendous carving skills).  In prison, with a shank, I’ll take the Juice (too much experience).

More Annoying ESPN coverage: Tebow to NE, Celtics/Clippers Doc Rivers Trade, or Aaron Hernandez non-arrest?

Definitely has to be the Tim Tebow coverage.  The guy can’t complete a pass to save his life and ESPN covers his ass as if he’s the next Joe Montana. He is the worst thing ever to happen to sports.

Worse thing for humanity: TO & Metta World Peace TV show or anytime anyone associated with Kardashians is on TV?

Gosh, this is a hard one.  All the people mentioned are crap.  One is insane the other is a bigger crybaby than Dwyane Wade and LeBron James COMBINED, but I think I’m gonna have to go with the Kardashians.  All those girls are good for is blowing black pipe.  At least TO and MWP have/had some talent.

Where does "should the Spurs rest their starters in game 6?" rank all-time in dumb First Take questions?

It ranks up there with the day they debated Tim Tebow’s virginity. Stupid sh*t.

What would you say your record on First Take is?

Um, I would say it is 3 wins with 17,895 losses. Not bad. Still better than Mark Sanchez’s career pass completion percentage.

Do you remember Cold Pizza? Holy crap how was that ever allowed on air?

Yea, I remember Cold Pizza.  Poor Woody Paige never stood a chance.  He was too focused on Dana Jacobson’s boobs.  I was too focused on Jay Crawford’s pipe.  The show was originally intended for old farts (like me and Woody) to enjoy their coffee and get off to Dana Jacobson.  Thanks to their ratings, we stayed on air.

More pathetic officiating: NBA refs or MLB umpires?

Not even close, NBA refs by a landslide.  They are worse than WWE officials. Stevie Wonder can make better calls than those crooked bastards.  Can’t blame them for being the animals in this circus.  The real problem is the owner of this circus, David Stern. He’ll have them sleeping with the fishes if they don’t do as he says.

Who gives Skip Bayless a larger boner, Tebow or LeBron?

It has to be Tim Tebow.  Have you seen those buns? (I’m an ass man)

Your real thoughts on Mr. Stephen A. Smith...

Screams too much.  What can I say those are the end results of growing up without any friends to play with and just playing with your penis 24/7.

Like many personalities at ESPN, you were once upon a time a truly fantastic sportswriter, worthy of all of the awards and accolades heaped upon you. What the hell happened?

Drugs.  Stay away from them.

Do you ever get sad? Would you rather babble incessantly on the mothership than write, which is what you were generally considered to be good at?

I’ll babble like a maniac as long as those idiots at ESPN keep paying me. They are really stupid at paying people to do stupid sh*t.  Just look at the moron that runs @ESPNStatsInfo, that guy doesn’t know sh*t. My dog knows better stats than him.

- Dean Thompson

Check out The Dean's List everyday to see more stories like this from all over the web.

Readers can submit a link to The Dean’s List by emailing or tweeting 

Boomshakalaka: Follow Dean on Twitter -->

Back to the Rumors Humor Newsfeed