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Alexandra Petri: The Zuckerberg hearings, condensed

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Senator: Welcome to the Facebook hearings on Capitol Hill, which, if you have even the faintest understanding about what Facebook does with data, will leave you enraged and frustrated. These two days will be like being trapped in a glass box watching your aging parents try to install a software update. Hours will pass as they keep minimizing windows and double-clicking things, expecting this to achieve some effect, and you will pound on the glass until your fists are numb.

Senator 1: I will now haltingly read a question that an aide who understands this technology better than I do has prepared, but I will mangle it slightly so that its premise is obviously wrong.