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Alexandra Petri: Exhausted Britain wishes Trump would notice he was being gravely insulted

London • An increasingly distraught Britain wondered for the duration of President Trump’s visit to the country whether the president was ever going to notice that he was being gravely insulted. Indignities that would have sent previous presidents packing whistled harmlessly over his head and detonated behind him, unnoticed except by their perpetrators.

"Someone said, 'Thank you for your opinion' after he had made a remark, and he actually said, 'You're welcome,'" gasped Madeline Bassett-Glossop.

"The chef served the vichyssoise hot and the consommé cold," butler Roland Leighton observed. "But he didn't try either of them.