Editor’s Note: Obviously, this is satire. Or is it? You decide.
This was a piece I wanted to do last year, but was silenced because suddenly I had to “finish a thesis.” When this season rolled around, I wanted to wait until this week to publish it, but then I figured I should do it during the bye week. Then suddenly, I had “problems at work” come up as my hotel for a big conference was randomly canceled as I was writing this piece, forcing me to ditch it and scramble to find housing in the Devil’s City: Phoenix.