Dear Big10,
I am writing you today because we have a giant problem in our conference. By giant, I am of course speaking of Purdue’s genetic freak, Isaac Haas.
On Sunday, December 3, 2017 my scrappy group of under achievers was forced to compete against The Giant in Mackey Arena. It was clear from the opening tip that we were at an insurmountable competitive disadvantage and had no reasonable recourse in dealing The Giant.
I contacted my mentor, Coach K (you guys have heard of Coach K before I’m sure. Did you know I worked for him for a long time?