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Bayern Munich spent just £200m on their Champions League winners, yet Man United's XI thrashed by Spurs cost £456m. Ed Woodward - with his focus on Google traffic - and Matt Judge - would be laughed out of Bayern's boardroom

Around and around Manchester United go - caught in a time-warp, splashing out on ageing players on deadline day and encouraging them to say Old Trafford is their life's ambition when they've actually been lured with wages of £200,000-a-week, give or take.

For Radamel Falcao, aged 28, deadline day 2014 ('this is a lifetime opportunity, you can't turn that down') read Edinson Cavani, aged 33, deadline day 2020 ('one of the greatest clubs in the world, a real honour to be here.')

Noise is what United, with their weirdly skewed priorities, crave most these days.