Life is too long to take things seriously all the time. I would elaborate a bit, but you’re not here to read my philosophical ramblings; you’re here for a good laugh while you catch up on the latest news surrounding the team you love. That laugh will be provided right after this mandatory disclaimer:
This article is satire. It is, quite literally, fake news. The fakest of news. I am required to tell you that, and to urge you towards civility in the comment section. However, if you want to start a brawl down there, I certainly can’t stop you.