Apparently, in the year of our Lord 2026, Andrew McCutchen can’t even try to get five kids to church without Major League Baseball knocking on his door like it’s a parole check.
This is where we are now. Max Kepler gets popped for PEDs, and suddenly the message from the league is clear: No one is safe. Not even the 39-year-old franchise icon who isn’t even employed.
That’s right. McCutchen — free agent, elder statesman, human embodiment of “good vibes only” — is still getting ambushed by Comprehensive Drug Testing (CDT) at his house on a Sunday morning.