The following article, originally published on PenguinPoop on February 19, 2019, comes the closet to explaining my obsession. It should be noted that six days after I posted this article, then-Pens GM Jim Rutherford acquired Erik Gudbranson, our last true heavyweight, from the Canucks for Tanner Pearson.
It should also be noted that since this article ran, physical teams such as the Blues, Lightning and Panthers have combined for five Stanley Cups, hockey’s ultimate prize. With nary a Penguin-esque team mixed in.
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What you’re about to read has absolutely nothing to do with the plight of our Penguins as they struggle to keep pace in the race for an Eastern Conference playoff spot.