DC United, man. They’ve been living in or near the basement most of the season, but that basement was furnished with the knowledge that a) they got to float down the back half of the season on a yacht built of home games and b) Big Wayne was comin’.
Now the friendly run of matches at Audi Field has arrived, and DC is already in the final playoff spot if you organize the table by points per game. Wayne Rooney also touched down, and since doing so he has averaged about a goal or assist per game. Oh, and he upstaged Zlatan (!