The Schmitter: Culinary War Crime

SUE THE BASTARDS - Bill Streicher-USA TODAY SportsI ate a Schmitter. This does not mean that my children should be forced to eat them in the future. We can end this nightmare in this generation.

I've eaten a lot of shit in my lifetime. We're not talking coprophilia here -- just regular old garbage that I have eaten because I was, well, mostly young, dumb, and not thinking clearly about what I was actually doing to my body. Some high low lights:

I remember well the time I ate 8 Nutty Buddys in about 20 minutes. Each was just an exceptional sensory delight that particular evening. It was Leap Day, 1992, for the record. One of my friends tried to eat a shoe that day, but we stopped him. True…