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We need to talk about Claude Giroux

Folks, I must admit that I am being haunted.

I started noticing just shy of a week ago. I saw no physical phantom, and yet I felt its chilling presence; I saw no apparition before my eyes, but the hairs on my arm would start to stand straight up, and I could feel something inhuman encroaching upon me, an itch I could not scratch, a cold dread I could not shake. It would happen as I sat comfortably in my bed, tucking in for the night, and it would happen as I slept. After many a restless night, I could not bear it any longer, and I sat down here to write this article.