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The NHL is hiring a Senior VP for Player Safety and you're definitely not qualified

Hey, cool new job listing alert: the NHL is hiring a Senior Vice President in charge of their Department of Player Safety. Sounds great! Except ... chances are you're not qualified. At all!

DUTIES: Responsible for overseeing all facets of the Player Safety Department; make final decisions regarding appropriate discipline of NHL players; speak with team General Managers and Coaches regarding players on a daily basis; develop presentations for General Managers, Board of Governors and Competition Committee Meetings; present to players at the NHL Rookie Orientation Program; serve as a member of the Concussion Committee and the Equipment Committee; monitor all hockey games including Pre-Season, Regular Season and Play-Off Games for player conduct and incidents that may lead to Supplemental Discipline, potential rule changes or discussion; correspond with Clubs and Media on a regular basis; liaise with the players.