It is extremely important to note that absolutely none of the below quotes are real. This is an entirely fake work of satire by an individual who could and should probably put his brainpower to better use. Thanks for reading!
Lifelong Philadelphia Flyers fan Dante DeAfogatto is preparing for the 2025-26 NHL season. He has watched highlights of last season’s team, done research on their recent draft picks, and run 352 simulations of the team in NHL 25. He has programmed his smart home device to play Flyers podcasts every night in his sleep.