This essay is part of a series called The Big Ideas, in which writers respond to a single question: What do we fear? You can read more by visiting The Big Ideas series page.
“Your mommy was just so sad that she had to go.”
I’ve been told this all my life. I suppose that this framing is meant to comfort me, as if my mom’s suicide was as natural, unavoidable and unfortunate as a sand castle facing its eventual collapse. I have never found this explanation reassuring, though, because she contributed to half of my DNA.