Making the Perfect Football Frankenstein by Stealing From Everyone Else

As I mention in this week's Dubcast, one of the absolute best parts of college football is that it is so ridiculously, gloriously diverse.

Geographically, philosophically, historically... no two programs are even remotely alike. Ohio State and Michigan, eternal rivals at each other's throats, oil and water, cats and dogs, Brussels sprouts and literally everything, are so close together in almost all superficial aspects as to be almost identical on the world stage. But they aren't! They couldn't be more unalike!

So let's say that you had to construct an ideal football program, using none of the familiar aspects of Ohio State that we know and love. From which of the buffet pans would you pull,…