As a famous internet blogger/quarantined high school teacher, I keep myself in elite condition at all times.
Articles like "What If The Big Ten, But Dogs?" and "Jim Harbaugh Is Dumb, Hahaha" don't just happen, they require a chiseled frame and a rapier wit, and both of those things must be fed physically and spiritually with delicious food slathered in BBQ sauce. On a daily basis, hourly if possible.
I'm a discerning connoisseur of fine sauces and meats; yes, it's true that I'll haphazardly gorge myself on just about anything you put in front of me like a starved gibbon, but whether I'll savor it or not is a different matter altogether.