The Chicago Cubs, the Reigning Champions of Baseball, have returned this season and they are floundering. They are under .500, in third place in baseball's most putrid division. They have just dropped six in a row; the last time that happened was in 2012 when they were literally trying to lose as many baseball games as possible so they could draft Kris Bryant, and their roster consisted of a bunch of Spinal Tap drummers. That was the year they sent a possibly fictional baseball player to the All-Star game who then vanished from the face of the Earth like a reverse Roy Hobbs.
HELL YEAH I'M GOING TO PANIC ABOUT THE CUBS WHY NOT
