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Congratulations on Being Named a ‘Franchise Player’! Enjoy Your Kick in the Metaphorical Privates!

GENERAL MANAGER: Greetings, young man. I have summoned you to share some wonderful news. I know the contract you signed after we drafted you has recently expired. But in light of the value you’ve provided for our organization over the past four years and the bright future we believe is ahead for you, we have designated you our “Franchise Player.” You are simply too valuable for our organization to go without.

PLAYER: That is great news! I had told my agent that all I wanted was a contract in-line with other top players at my position.