Why a Segway With a Broom Attached to it is Better than Dan Girardi

The idea is as simple as it is bold my friends- much like a swift slap across the face or a note pinned to a door with a menacing dagger in the dark of the night. A Segway, or personal-person-mover, with a broom attached to it would be a more effective defenseman than Dan Girardi. What's that you say? The idea is too bold? We are still years away from having robots play a central role in our lives? Shut that sweet mouth of yours and behold...

Note the protective housing on the wheels featuring fresh battle scars (dude goes hard in the corners), the hockey helmet placed on the handlebars to humanize our little robot friend, and the high-quality curling broom.