Awkward, earnest, unable to stop from goofing up, but always genuinely sorry for it.
We're debuting a new free-form Friday column, when TBM staff are allowed to loosen their neckties and go off road a little bit. We're still looking for a section title - if you have any ideas, we would appreciate it if you commented with them. Please enjoy this piece in the style of The Toast - if X were your Y.
If the Boston Breakers were your girlfriend, you'd meet at random in Harvard Square, bumping into each other and getting Dunkin Donuts coffee slopped all down your shirt.