tl;dr - Old man rails against social media OR I don't care what your sandwich looks like.
Ever heard of Douglas Adams?
If not, then listen up.
Adams was the author (and radio host) of the Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe - Life, the Universe and Everything - So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish). He was a wonderful writer whose level of sarcasm and wit I could only hope to reach after maybe a 100 lifetimes (and if I reach it in this one by magic, well, screw you guys, I'm buying an island to which none of you are invited, 'ceptin' the women).