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THE ARBY'S CONSPIRACIES

WHY DOES STEVE SPURRIER VISIT THE SAME ARBY'S AFTER EVERY SEC MEDIA DAY?

1. Years ago, while this Arby's was still under construction, Steve Spurrier drove by. The shocks on his car were nearly shot, weighed down by four duffle bags stuffed with krugerrand. 24 hours earlier, it'd all been in Dan Snyder's safe. And now Spurrier needed to hide it - fast.

2. This Arby's contains every SEC team's allotment of passing yards for the upcoming season. Prior to 1995, this knowledge was known only to Steve Spurrier. Since then, the news has slowly spread to other teams, and now Spurrier is forced to split them with everyone else with relative equality among teams.