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HOW TO TALK ABOUT RECRUITING IF YOU ONLY KNOW MARIO KART TERMS

Blue Shell: Defender who will find you, no matter where you are on the field, and leave you upside-down and unsure of where you are.

Chain Chomp: Defensive prospect who can cover exactly three yards of turf in either direction very well, but not an inch past that.

Boo Buddy: A scary and fast safety who in fact cannot hurt anyone.

Koopa Troopa: A middle linebacker ideal for play in a Cover 2 scheme who is useless if his shell is removed.

Shy Guy: The white guy defensive lineman who kind of looks like a terrifying white supremacist, but who turns out to be an ideal teammate to everyone.