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I’m a Loser

I got lost on my way to MLB spring training in Florida and ended up in the Yukon. I was coming down off acid on the day I’d planned on attending CFL camp. Manchester United’s letter somehow never made it. I was going to be a gymnast in the Olympics until I found out the games were a month away and I hadn’t started to train yet.

I chose making toilet doors at a factory instead of becoming the fifth Beatle. The Montreal Canadiens offered me work as stick boy and I though they said “ship ahoy” and I declined because I can’t swim.