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Terrible Movies for Troubled Times: Road House edition

For a very long time, I assumed Road House was a short, simple movie with a plot summed up by the poster. Bouncer gets hired to clean up rowdy bar, lots of good fisticuffs, the grimy element within the bar fights back, there is sure to be some sexy bar patron he falls in love with, lots of darkly lit scenes, yadda, yadda, yadda.

No one ever told me anything different. People would say, “Oh, you haven’t seen Road House? You should really see it.” But nobody ever said, “Check it out, people get killed by taxidermy, a monster truck gets involved, Ben Gazzara lives in a mansion across a pond from where the dude lives in the most improbable loft apartment of all time, nothing about the love story makes sense, every scene in the bar is brightly lit AF, the fight scenes are painfully bad, and Swayze does fake tai chi shirtless.