Rock M Investigates: A Whodonatedit

DISCLAIMER: THE THEORIES LAID OUT BELOW ARE PURELY WILD, UNINFORMED SPECULATION INTENDED TO BE SATIRICAL. IF ONE OF THEM TURNS OUT TO BE CORRECT, HOWEVER, I WILL BRAG ABOUT IT UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

Mizzou Athletics announced a record 62 million dollar donation Monday earmarked for the Memorial Stadium renovations and the Tiger Fund. The gift is easily the largest in school history, over twice as large as the previous gift.

According to J-School alum and current Post-Dispatch sportswriter Eli Hoff, the gift is more money than the total amount of fundraising the athletics department brought in during 2022 and 2023 combined.

And it was donated anonymously. “Who would donate such an absurdly…